I Was Dead (A Diary Entry)
“The world was a mess, but his hair was perfect.”
I’m thinking about happy endings and all of a sudden and reasons for things and what the world will sound like when it is blowing up and how late the mall is open on Sundays. It is Los Angeles and it is nowhere.
Dear Diary,
What a day. I swear I’ve never been so depressed, miserable, and lonely in my entire life. It’s like I know there’s got to be somebody out there somewhere, just one person in this huge, horrible, unhappy universe who can hold me in their arms and tell me everything is going to be okay. And how long do I have to wait before that person shows up. I feel like I’m sinking deeper and deeper into quicksand, watching everyone around me die a slow, agonizing, death. It’s like we all know way down in our souls that our generation is going to witness the end of everything. You can see it in our eyes. It’s in mine, look. I’m doomed. I’m only 18 years old and I’m totally doomed.
This kid Dark wrote that, here are some things that people have said about him, “Eighteen-year-old Dark just wants a loving normal relationship, to make sense of his life and find his place in the world. This isn’t easy living with a sex mad bisexual girlfriend, suicide, violent drug dealers, bad acid trips, a violent rape by a teen idol so famous no one need utter his name, a kidnapping Atari gang on the rampage and, last but not least, a huge alien lizard bent on murdering Dark’s friends one by one.”
So yeah, whatever, that’s Dark. He is wrong about one thing though.
Although winter is the rainy season in LA, it is also the clear season, compared to our summers, which are dry, but overcast, especially at the beaches. When you look at the average high temperature, keep in mind that in summer, the average high temperature may last for a good portion of the day. In winter, we may hit the high temperature mid-afternoon for a few minutes before the mercury starts descending again. Light colored clothing is best on sunny days, whether it’s summer or winter. The sun is hot in winter and spring, even though the air is cool, so a dark jacket or even a long-sleeved black shirt can make you uncomfortably hot. It can be difficult to find a comfortable compromise when the sun is hot and the breeze is cold. On sunny and hazy days, heat reflected off the pavement or sand can increase the temperature significantly. Even though the mercury may read 80 degrees, it may feel more like 90 if you’re on a walking tour of Hollywood, or wandering around an amusement park.
We talk about June Gloom to describe a phenomenon when the clouds from the ocean – called the marine layer – come inland over the beaches and sometimes all the way to the valleys. What the Convention and Visitors Bureaus don’t like to admit is that in LA beach communities June Gloom can start in May and last until September. Usually in July and August the clouds burn off by noon and the sun comes out at the beach. If you’re planning a summer morning at the beach, take a sweatshirt. Unlike other parts of the country where people pack their sweaters and jackets away at the first sign of summer, in LA, summer evenings are cool. Sidewalk cafes have outdoor heaters, but you’ll want to have that jacket along, even if you don’t go near the beach. The exception to the rule is when we have Santa Ana Conditions. This is when hot winds blow from the mountains all the way to the beach, bringing visibly bad air quality and high fire danger. They also bring rare warm nights to the beach. The Santa Ana winds occur most often in late summer. Expect the unexpected! Despite the averages, you could easily encounter a week of 80-degree weather in midwinter and a week of 68-degree weather in midsummer, so look at forecasts before you pack. Look at forecasts before you do anything.
The characters in Beyond The Fringe were assuming that the end would come in a nuclear holocaust and one of them came up with a plan: “Get out of the area,” he said. “Because that’s the danger area – where the bombs are dropping.”
So, Dark is standing at this bus stop smoking a cigarette. Sitting beside him at the bus stop there are these three girls talking about who they are taking to the party tonight. They are all wearing retainers and have really big hair. They are talking about who is sleeping with who. Dark sees an alien lizard across the street. He tries to turn his video camera on, but it’s not working. The alien lizard shoots the three girls with his ray gun and they evaporate instantly, they are dead. All that is left is their retainers. And this really happened.
Dear Diary,
I DON’T KNOW WHAT I WANT
I DON’T KNOW WHAT I WANT
I DON’T KNOW WHAT I WANT
I want to see the end of the world, but I don’t want to be old when it happens. I want to be young and fresh and beautiful and pure. I want at the same time nothing and everything. Do you know what I mean? I want it to be 1997, again. Parties. Drugs. Lots of sex. Alien Lizard Monsters. Whatever. IT’S A VALLEY-GIRL END OF THE WORLD!!!!! Fuck fantasy. I want to see it happen.
THE FIVE MOST LIKELY WAYS IN WHICH THE WORLD WILL END:
1. Nuclear Bomb
2. Asteroid/Meteor (Elijah Wood and I get married and then we climb to the top of a mountain so that we don’t die, but my parents do, sad)
3. So what’s actually happening, is the earth is moving closer and closer to the sun. At some point when the earth gets close enough the sun’s rays are going to circle the earth and the sun is going to melt and ooze all over the earth, creating a metallic gold super planet. Everyone will be a golden trophy superhuman, and the golden planet will reign
4. Extreme weather conditions (everyone either drowns, freezes or burns)
5. Alien Lizards come down in a space ship and kill a bunch of people and then they abduct the rest of the humans for experiments and then bring them back down to earth but after a short amount of time they turn into aliens too.
k
This shit so repetitious.
This shit so repetitious.
D
DOOM
O
M
Words by Grace Miceli, Stills taken from “Nowhere” by Gregg Araki